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Lady Caution

I’ve done it so often. I’ve sat looking at my freshly written tweet thinking “Should I really post this? Will people get that I’m joking? Maybe I should wait until I’m less tired/drunk/very drunk.”

More often than not, sense prevails. I delete the post, lie back in bed, clutch my aspirin and wait for the hangover to hit. Because I am an adult. An adult who has experienced much regret from spraying my ill-conceived thoughts about me like a sprinkler. I have learned to respect the good Lady Caution.

Lady C is like a chaperone for your mind. All tweed, sensible shoes and horn-rimmed glasses. She tuts when you are tempted by folly, reminds you of consequences, and prevents boys from sticking their hands up your blouse, which is probably where that analogy ends its usefulness.

But say, and I’m being hypothetical here, you are struggling to deal with a tiny screaming newborn who insists on being fed more than once (I know! Rude!) and you’ve been in your jammies for a fortnight and you’re so exhausted you’re dribbling. It’s at this moment you’re particularly vulnerable to a bout of TARP (Tweeting A Regrettable Post). “I’m tired and frustrated,” you dribble. “Consequences be damned. Pass the iPhone and let me see how many swear words I can fit into 140 characters!”

But just as you finish penning a rant that would make Gordon Ramsey’s heart swell, Lady Caution stirs from her slumber, possibly from all the thumping on your keyboard. With the swiftness of a cheetah, she grabs your finger and guides it firmly and sensibly from ‘Send’ to ‘Delete’. And phew for that. Good job, Lady C! You had my back and the next round is on me!

But there have been moments when my little chaperone has gone AWOL. Just when I needed her most she was off, I don’t know where, possibly having tea and crumpets with her mates, regaling them with stories about stupid things I’d attempted to do.

I blame her absence for the following online moments:

- Announcing I was going to impress my parenting class by asking if heroin can pass through breast milk.

- Saying I wanted to make a citizen’s arrest, just to see how it felt. Then encouraging anyone who saw me to do something illegal.

- Publicly proclaiming that I kill people “but, hey, who doesn’t?”

Not impressed, Lady C.

2 Responses to “Lady Caution”

  1. The NDM says:

    I think they are all perfectly acceptable tweets – however, I might have lowered the bar below sea level.

    Great post.

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