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You do get excited, don’t you? You see a comment on your blog is sitting there, all full of promise and wit, patiently waiting to be approved.

So you quickly open it, only to be met by a poorly-spelled, bit of marketing annoyance. Grr!

It’s like when you were a kid and you desperately wanted that awesome Lego space station for Christmas. But instead you wound up getting socks, undies, and a scary, molting teddy bear from your equally scary and molting great aunt.

Luckily, most are easy to spot and eliminate (spam, that is, not great aunts).

Of course there’s the inevitable Viagra and weight loss schemes, but my favourites are those which attempt to flatter me, especially when it’s completely undeserved. Which, let’s be honest, is pretty much always.

For instance I received this comment today:

 

“Helpful blog! You make some great points!”

 

Yeeeeah.

Clearly they have not read my blog.

After all, no one in their right mind would consider me recounting my baby’s vomit, drunken escapades with my husband or discussions about my mother’s underwear as “helpful”.

Perhaps spammers should try the following comments for my site:

 

- “What’s that Person 1 and Person 2 running gag about? I don’t get it. Who on earth would believe they created ALL those products?”

- “You must have a lot of time on your hands.”

- “What?!”

 

Then I’d be inclined to believe they were real.

Spammers, you’re welcome.

 

9 Responses to “Lovely spam, wonderful spam”

  1. Adam says:

    Akismet is your friend :) Love that it works to make the spam comments go away. Team it with Captcha on comments that get through. And bingo :)

    Love your work btw way.

    Hugs

    Adz

  2. jason b says:

    akismet rocks, but hate captcha. We actually use a system that assigns a score, how much keyboard was used, mouse movement, time spent on form, keyword spam list, hidden honeypot fields, number of urls and if the score exceeds threshold then it’s blocked.

    • Ms FOAS says:

      Might have to look into that, even if it means all that flattery (albeit insincere flattery) will stop. Damn! ;)

      Hope all is well!

  3. Cameron says:

    What?!

    While you contemplate that take a look at a very poorly drawn dragon
    http://www.dragon.auz.net/dragon.jpg

    Nice blog BTW I started one to put my comic in – then realised a) I couldn’t draw and b) I wasn’t funny (except in a peculiar way).

    I also get comment spam on my image gallery even though you need to create an account and have a valid email to confirm the account before you can comment. Captcha for creating accounts has made it drop off a little but really, why do they bother when the audience of the site is numbered in the tens, not even the hundreds.

    • Ms FOAS says:

      Don’t sell yourself short. I can honestly say that is the best dragon drawing that has ever been featured on my blog. THE BEST!

      And I’m sure most people would argue that I’m not funny either, except in a peculiar way.

  4. KateWrightFaLaLa says:

    So, basically what you’re saying is that if I sent you an email with the subject line of “furry honeypot adventure” you would now be suspicious of it? I shall bear that in mind …

    • Ms FOAS says:

      No, but I would suspicious of Big Jugs: a history of pottery in the nineteenth century, or Swedish Lesbians in Blackcurrant Jam.

      Ah, Bottom. Great show!

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