“Does your daughter sleep well after this?” came the innocent question from a dad at playgroup today.
My son had just wiped his drool on this complete stranger’s pants. And I was now going to make things even more awkward. Way to go, us!
“Um. Actually, he’s a boy.” I responded, making sure to smile broadly to show I was not upset.
And I wasn’t. Not at all. In fact, I’m totally used to it by now.
Mr Squish has big eyes, big lips, and sightly wavy hair. I suppose they’re what you’d call ‘pretty’ features. A friend once described his appearance as ‘exotic’. In other words, if you were casting Dirty Harry as a baby, you’d probably look elsewhere.
My favourite mix-up came a few months ago. I was in a cafe when a waitress approached to take my order. This was how the conversation went:
Waitress: What a cute baby!
Me: Thanks!
Waitress: Your daughter looks Asian. What is her heritage?
Me: Oh, no. Actually, he’s a boy. And he has a mixed Maltese and Scottish background.
Waitress: Oh…. Um. [in the direction of the kitchen, to no discernible person] COMING!
But after today’s misunderstanding, I decided to look critically at the state of Mr Squish’s hair. Perhaps it is time for a haircut. Maybe we need a little trim so nice strangers won’t take punts and then feel awkward.
Now call it tiredness, boredom, or just plain old self-delusion, but I did briefly consider doing the job myself.
“How hard can it be?”, I thought. “Grab scissors. Grab hair. Cut!”
But then I remembered this cautionary ad. It was for the UK Yellow Pages and stars the hilarious James Nesbitt:
That would so be me! I would totally cut hair like that!
I’d start with random cutting. Followed by trying-to-rectify-those-mistakes cutting. Then I-should-really-stop-but-I’m-slightly-panicked cutting.
Still, it was tempting. It would certainly make for some entertaining photos to show his future romantic partners. But I’m sad to report that Lady Caution prevailed and I’m taking the boring, professional hairdresser option.
So now all that’s left for me is to decide upon a hairstyle. What do you reckon – a mullet or a rat’s tail?
Or both?
YES!
I once cut a mates hair in high school using clippers…..lets just say I was happy we didn’t have access to a mirror that showed the back.
p.s i vote for mullet, you could always plait it to be a rats tail as needed
Haha! It’s the mistake you make only once.
And a mullet really is hard to pass by. I keep thinking of the rich opportunity for blackmail in the future. “Clean your room, Mr Squish, or I’ll make sure all of your year at school see THOSE PHOTOS!”
A burgundy, asymmetrical, spiral permed bob finished with a teased, blonde-tipped fringe gets my vote.
All good, except I might just leave out the teased fringe bit.
I don’t want him to, you know, look stupid.
like hello. you put a bowl on their head and trim all the hair that pokes out from under the edges of the bowl
YES! The bowl cut! These are awesome ideas.
Oh man. How sorry do you all feel for my son right now?