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Talk to my agent

Readers of my last post may have noticed a witty reply from someone claiming to be Australia’s best-known celebrity agent, Max Markson.

Here it is:

 

Dear FOAS!

What a great idea ! I can see an international tour ! You’re a 24 carrot gold certainty to be bigger than Susan Boyle in a heart beat.

Thank you for thinking of me … May I sign you to an exclusive representation contract for 5 years plus 5 years and guarantee you an income of $250,000 a year and all the carrots you can whittle for the rest of your life ?

Love the ever so grateful Max Markson

Xxx

 

I love the “24 carrot gold” and “grateful” puns. Nicely done.

But I was slightly skeptical about its authenticity. I never thought Max would reply to my letter and I assumed this was just someone pulling my leg. Hence my initial reply back:

 

Not now, Max. I’m very busy. ;)

 

Then I noticed the person had included a direct email address from Max’s company, Markson Sparks! (there was a mobile number too but I was far too intimidated to go there). I worked up some courage and decided I should email it and check. 

Max got back to me almost immediately saying that, yes, it was him. 

IT WAS REALLY HIM! 

I must admit, I squealed like someone in an Oprah Winfrey audience. 

The highlight of my day until that point was that my baby ate an entire Weetbix without me having to call in the UN for conflict resolution meetings. So this was a lovely surprise.

I hurriedly amended my reply comment to say thanks, and then I proceeded to gloat about it all on Facebook.

So to sum up, I think we can all learn something from my recent time-wasting escapades. If you want to be successful, simply follow my lead. 

 

1. Create a ridiculous hobby that no-one else is interested in. No-one whatsoever.

2. Even though you attempt it only once, claim to be the world’s expert.

3. Assume Australia’s best-known celebrity agent has as much time on their hands as you do, and try to publicly coerce them into representing you.

4. Have them jokingly offer you a contract that would see you rolling in carrots for life.

 

Success!

It’s as easy as that, kiddies.

 

6 Responses to “Talk to my agent”

  1. Nick says:

    Man, I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.
    Thank you FOAS, you’re my new guru.

  2. CH says:

    A ridiculous hobby that no-one else is interested in, huh? Okay. Just thinking now. Umm.
    Got it!
    Imbibing alcohol. Right, that’s step one done.
    Now, step two; attempt it once.
    Oh.
    Bugger.

    • Ms FOAS says:

      If I could give some advice, try imbibing alcohol first, THEN start thinking of a ridiculous hobby. It helps, I promise.

  3. KateWrightFaLaLa says:

    I was so wrong. Max Markson, kudos. As I just texted MY BEST FRIEND Ms FOAS (should you, MM, ever need to dig up some dirt, I mean, paint an accurate personality portrait of, your new number one superstar signing), next week’s episode of QI features “fears, phobias and carrots”. I am not lying. It really does. Check your Foxtel listing. Parsnips? Pah! WTF do I know? I leave it to you, carrot-whittlers and carrot-whittler-spottters, henceforth.

    • Ms FOAS says:

      See! You doubted the carrot, wanting me to jump ship to the land of parsnips. But CARROTS are the future, man!

      Also, obviously next week’s QI episode is Stephen Fry’s subtle way of telling the world he endorses me too.

      Maybe I should write him a thank you letter…

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