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Feed on

There are many developmental milestones a child should reach in their first few years of life. It’s my opinion that the most important is – not walking or talking – but learning to shave.

Now, granted, most parental advice books suggest waiting another 15 years or so until your teenager has facial or leg hair to shave, but who should you listen to? So-called “parenting experts” with degrees? Or the world’s leading authority on carrot whittling


So forget trivial milestones like feeding independently or toilet training, if your child hasn’t learned to shave by 18 months, you have failed them. There. I said it.
With that in mind, may I present this year’s must-have toy.  


You Can Shave The Baby toy


Look at that.

Imagine your child’s face when they unwrap that doll on Christmas morning.

Firstly, the creators have given it comedy-red hair. 10 points straight up. But it’s the placement of the hair that really sets this toy apart (you know, from all the other shaving dolls on the market).

There’s tufts of hair under the arms, around the groin (the less said about that the better) and let’s not forget that splendid ankle hair. They’re like flaming, hirsute leg-warmers.

I don’t know what baby this was modelled on but I think they need to see a professional hairdresser. Or a doctor. Or a priest for an exorcism.

Anyway, parents, I know what you’re thinking and you really don’t need to say anything.

You’re welcome.


8 Responses to “This year’s must-have toy (by a close shave)”

  1. Jess says:

    Oh my god. That is the ugliest toy I’ve ever seen! Is that real???

    • Ms FOAS says:

      Now, now. You can say what you want about me, my family, or my country, but how dare you disparage this magnificent doll.


  2. cursedTea says:

    I have a one year old Nephew that would be perfect for… :D

  3. jacinta says:

    oh well, at least the drapes match the curtains

    • Ms FOAS says:

      You know, I didn’t think this toy could be made any scarier, but imagine if they’d done each hair area as a different colour: blonde, brunette and red-headed patches. Good god.

  4. D says:

    now there’s a way to ‘raze’ a baby…

    • Ms FOAS says:

      Your comment had me scurrying for a dictionary to look up ‘raze’. There’s no room for that level of cleverness on this blog, thank you very much.

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