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Feed on

I write anonymously. This is to spare my family the embarrassment of being publicly linked to that “silly blogger woman who annoys celebrities, creates useless things from carrots, and encourages toddlers to shave“.

Also, in the future my son will have job interviews where the boss will have Googled his name. I suspect Mr Squish would prefer to avoid questions like “Did you really regularly vomit on your mother’s head?”.

To ensure my son isn’t forced to change his name or remain unemployed forever, it’s probably best that I stay anonymous. So I suppose the idea of posting a photo of myself sounds pretty stupid, hey? Surely this is the most counter-productive thing I could do, except perhaps for releasing my full name, phone number, and a map to my house.

But today I threw caution to the wind. Bugger it, I decided, let the chips fall where they may.

So, against my better judgement, here is an exclusive photograph of me!



I know, I know. I look just like Angelina Jolie. I get that all the time.

This extreme close-up was taken with a digital microscope. My husband brought it home from work to test. He started off sensibly and sedately by taking photos of his arm hair. That is until I impatiently wrenched it out of his oh-so-safety-conscious hands, excitedly shouting “TAKE A PHOTO OF MY EYEBALL!”

That is how I ended up with a laser-guided camera approximately 1cm from my iris. It’s that kind of reckless abandon that really endears me to doctors, I find.

But before you chastise me, without my heroic – yes, HEROIC – actions, the world wouldn’t have this photo… this far-too-close-for-comfort, slightly creepy photo that no one would want to look at twice.

It doesn’t bear thinking about.

So, if you recognise me on the street, please say hi. Also, if I’m walking down the middle of the road or somewhere dangerous, please steer me back to safety.

You know, just until my eyesight completely returns.


8 Responses to “I’m taller than you thought, right?”

  1. jacinta says:

    Er, um… doll… hate to break it to you but i think you forgot to post the photoshopped version. Just sayin…

  2. jacinta says:

    Of course not, you have a very ‘healthy’ looking eye there dear.

    Oh and your tags are getting better and better….. “vomit”, “reckless abandon, “sticking lasers near your eyeball”. I mean, at this rate, you’ll be posting JUST word clouds in no time at all.

    • Ms FOAS says:

      This post is unique for me in that it doesn’t include the tags ‘embarrassing’, ‘misadventure’ or ‘drunk’.

  3. CH says:

    I just started a staring contest with this photo of you.

    You won.

  4. KateWrightFaLaLa says:

    As punishment for daring to read FOAS at work, when I opened this post my reaction was a very loud, startled “Argh!” followed by “Ew gross!” I then had to explain to my boss and two colleagues why I was sitting at my desk shrieking. I had to reassure them that I was not insane by suggesting that, perhaps, my dear friend Ms FOAS, possibly, is …

    • Ms FOAS says:

      It’s always lovely to hear that someone looks at a photo of me and their reaction is “Ew gross!”

      Shucks! *blushes*

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