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Feed on

Rumours about my NYE

There are outrageous rumours circulating about me. They concern my alleged behaviour on New Year’s Eve, but I intend on setting the story straight right now.

According to the gossip, I apparently stayed at home all night, had only 2 glasses of champagne, and then – get a load of this one – was in bed asleep by 9.30pm!

See! It’s an outrage.

Since becoming a mother, I’ve been quite the social butterfly. In the past year, I’ve been out partying lots – like hundreds of times.

Alright, 4 times. 

Still, on those 4 occasions I stayed out until midnight. MIDNIGHT, people! That’s virtually morning!

So obviously on NYE I was planning to go hard. But then I changed my mind and decided to be generous. 

Let me explain.

When I’m out in public I tend to attract a bit of attention. Now, are people staring at me because I am the sexiest creature they’ve ever laid eyes upon? Or is it due to the fact that I frequently appear in public with baby vomit down my back, hair resembling a bird’s nest, and Vegemite smeared across my face?

We may never know.

But, either way, I wanted to allow other women their moment in the spotlight, unhinded by my presence. So, yes, I did stay home on NYE – but only as an act of sharing. Womankind, you’re welcome.

Now, getting to that “2 glasses of champagne” slur, that couldn’t be more wrong. I had 2.5 glasses, thank you very much. Bam! Take that, rumour mongers! Now who looks silly?

Lastly, and most outrageously, there’s the accusation that I was in bed by 9.30pm. Let me clear this up once and for all.

All night I had been sitting on my couch watching TV (PAR-TAY!), but I sensed my poor bed was feeling jealous. Not wanting to instigate a battle over my affections, I left the couch to give the bed some attention too. 

My selfless actions probably averted a household furniture war that could have lasted decades and devastated an entire forest’s worth of furniture. I should get some sort of award.

Plus it was 9.00pm, not 9.30pm.

So there are the facts. To the rumour mongers out there, I await your apologies.


7 Responses to “Rumours about my NYE”

  1. Jesse says:

    I stayed home, too. In fact, I realized after reading your post, that I have stayed home the last 12 NYEs. My son is 12. I am due a big pile of thank yous from all the women out there who have been enjoying all the limelight in my absence.

    On second thought, I owe them. I’d rather stay home. : )

    At 11:45 p.m. (our time) on NYE, my 8 y o looked at me and said, “Mom, I love New Year’s Eve, and I hate New Year’s Eve.”


    • Ms FOAS says:

      Yes, it’s a tough one. When I was young (god, listen to me – I’m only 35!), I didn’t care if it took me 2 hours to get home on public transport, with sore feet, and surrounded by blind-drunk people urinating and vomiting between the carriages of the train. But the shine has gone off that now, would you believe?

      Hope your NYE with your kids was fantastic! :)

  2. HL says:

    Lol! You *do* deserve an award. I’m just imagining all the furniture we would have lost. Phew! Crisis averted. Well done, MS FOAS!!! X

    • Ms FOAS says:

      Thank you! Yes, it was a close one. Maybe I should contact the UN and see if I can become an ambassador for furniture peace.

  3. jacinta says:

    FAIL! We fell asleep on the lounge watching tv. WIN!

    • Ms FOAS says:

      Wasn’t your bed really jealous? You’re playing with fire there, Jacinta. One day your bed may revolt and that would be an interesting 000 emergency call.

  4. Sarah says:

    Not much worse than a revolting bed……

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