There are outrageous rumours circulating about me. They concern my alleged behaviour on New Year’s Eve, but I intend on setting the story straight right now.
According to the gossip, I apparently stayed at home all night, had only 2 glasses of champagne, and then – get a load of this one – was in bed asleep by 9.30pm!
See! It’s an outrage.
Since becoming a mother, I’ve been quite the social butterfly. In the past year, I’ve been out partying lots – like hundreds of times.
Alright, 4 times.
Still, on those 4 occasions I stayed out until midnight. MIDNIGHT, people! That’s virtually morning!
So obviously on NYE I was planning to go hard. But then I changed my mind and decided to be generous.
Let me explain.
When I’m out in public I tend to attract a bit of attention. Now, are people staring at me because I am the sexiest creature they’ve ever laid eyes upon? Or is it due to the fact that I frequently appear in public with baby vomit down my back, hair resembling a bird’s nest, and Vegemite smeared across my face?
We may never know.
But, either way, I wanted to allow other women their moment in the spotlight, unhinded by my presence. So, yes, I did stay home on NYE – but only as an act of sharing. Womankind, you’re welcome.
Now, getting to that “2 glasses of champagne” slur, that couldn’t be more wrong. I had 2.5 glasses, thank you very much. Bam! Take that, rumour mongers! Now who looks silly?
Lastly, and most outrageously, there’s the accusation that I was in bed by 9.30pm. Let me clear this up once and for all.
All night I had been sitting on my couch watching TV (PAR-TAY!), but I sensed my poor bed was feeling jealous. Not wanting to instigate a battle over my affections, I left the couch to give the bed some attention too.
My selfless actions probably averted a household furniture war that could have lasted decades and devastated an entire forest’s worth of furniture. I should get some sort of award.
Plus it was 9.00pm, not 9.30pm.
So there are the facts. To the rumour mongers out there, I await your apologies.
I stayed home, too. In fact, I realized after reading your post, that I have stayed home the last 12 NYEs. My son is 12. I am due a big pile of thank yous from all the women out there who have been enjoying all the limelight in my absence.
On second thought, I owe them. I’d rather stay home. : )
At 11:45 p.m. (our time) on NYE, my 8 y o looked at me and said, “Mom, I love New Year’s Eve, and I hate New Year’s Eve.”
Exactly.
Yes, it’s a tough one. When I was young (god, listen to me – I’m only 35!), I didn’t care if it took me 2 hours to get home on public transport, with sore feet, and surrounded by blind-drunk people urinating and vomiting between the carriages of the train. But the shine has gone off that now, would you believe?
Hope your NYE with your kids was fantastic! :)
Lol! You *do* deserve an award. I’m just imagining all the furniture we would have lost. Phew! Crisis averted. Well done, MS FOAS!!! X
Thank you! Yes, it was a close one. Maybe I should contact the UN and see if I can become an ambassador for furniture peace.
FAIL! We fell asleep on the lounge watching tv. WIN!
Wasn’t your bed really jealous? You’re playing with fire there, Jacinta. One day your bed may revolt and that would be an interesting 000 emergency call.
Not much worse than a revolting bed……