I recently went through my iPhone Notes and discovered some that I’d completely forgotten about.
One in particular caught my eye. I had written it during a drunken night out with my good friend KD.
I remember the evening. Well, most of it. KD and I left our kids at home with the menfolk to have a well-deserved night out. We then busied ourselves getting remarkably drunk and disorderly. For some reason, I decided to record some of our dialogue.
So for everyone’s bafflement (including mine), here are some snippets of conversation I clearly thought worthy of saving for posterity:
Me: Men have seen me naked.
KD: I’m going to breathe through my outrage.
Me: I just said “donk donk” really loudly!
KD: Yes, you really did.
KD: No one said goodbye to my arse.
Me: I fully intend on saying goodbye to your arse.
Going down a flight of stairs:
Me: [to someone behind us] Go before us! We may fall and die.
KD: Yes… Ouch. Ouch. Dead.
KD: Oh god! My shoe came off!!
KD: We may be asked to leave because of our unseemly manner.
Me: You mean, our drunken frenzy?
KD: (singing) You say potato, I say potarto, let’s just fuck off then.
Me: That’s slightly less poetic than the original.
Now I won’t lie to you… I remember about half of those conversations. But some are a total mystery.
For instance, why was KD upset that no-one had said goodbye to her arse? And why did I then offer to? And, most importantly, WHY DID I WRITE IT DOWN?
But I DO remember getting booted out of that pub (it was closing time – we hadn’t attempted to set fire to it, or anything. At least I’m fairly certain we hadn’t) and heading to another pub. Always a wise move.
I then vaguely remember striding into the new pub, past the suspicious bouncer, and leaving KD to face the interrogation. The bouncer must have been flummoxed by her unblinking honesty (“Are you drunk?” “Yes I am”) because he let her through anyway.
Then the night got seriously wobbly.
I think this was the point where I wrote my final mysterious note for the night. It appeared underneath the dialogue and read simply:
Blog post idea – HATS!!
I have absolutely no idea what that means.
But from the two exclamation points, I was clearly excited about it at the time. Maybe……….. no see, I can’t even GUESS! That’s going to drive me insane. Don’t be shocked to one day find me in a mental asylum, rocking in a corner, muttering “Hats?… hats?… hats?…” until a big guy called Chief smothers me with a pillow.
I’ve seen movies. I know what happens.
Also, I’m fairly certain I forgot to say something on the night, so I should really rectify the matter now. Here goes…
Bye bye, KD’s arse!